Unsaid
by european coffee addict
Summary: Some things might better remain unsaid, or not? Face has a confession to make, and Hannibal is reacting badly. This time, Hannibal has made a real mistake. Will he understand? Murdock, B.A. and Amy have to arbitrate onthe matter.
1. Chapter 1

_Copyright disclaimer:_ Of cause the guys are the intellectual property of Stephen J. Cannel, but the story is mine.

_Violence disclaimer:_ Some punches and bad words.

_Political Correctness Disclaimer:_ pc might be lacking.

_Thank yous: _A big thank you goes to Jes Parker, who picked out a lot of mistakes and polished my English.

**Unsaid**

I.

Face watched his teammates. He watched Hannibal laying an arm around BA's shoulders and heard him saying, "C'mon BA don't be angry any more, ok? You know I luv' ya, but you're quite stubborn when it comes to flying." Hannibal smiled charmingly and the Sergeant had to smirk, waving his big ringed hand in forgiveness.

Face shook his head. He wondered why Hannibal was sometimes so ambiguous towards B.A. He remembered when Hannibal and BA went undercover into a prison. Hannibal claimed to be a hairdresser and the translator for his deaf-mute friend. He acted out really camp, making everyone believe they were a couple. Hannibal seemed to have a lot of fun in this disguise. Another time, when someone asked them indirectly if they were a gay couple, Hannibal grinned and said they were divorced and sharing household expenses. Hannibal probably knew that it would never cross BA's mind that these could be more than jokes. He probably knew that it was safe to relate these types of jokes to his Sergeant. He probably also knew that it wouldn't be safe to treat his Lieutenant this way. Face wondered why Hannibal was acting this way at all. He couldn't figure out the deeper meaning behind it. Was there a part of him that was at least bi-curious? Or was it just a sort of self-defense to make clear, that it can't be anything more than just a joke, when people think he's gay?

Face's thoughts strayed to the past, back to Vietnam. He remembered a gay couple in a unit that Hannibal had been commanding. Everyone knew about the two men. He remembered a gay couple in a unit that Hannibal had been commanding. Everyone knew about the two men, even if no one spoke about it, they all knew. Face had observed Hannibal, on many occasions dealing with them. He treated them no differently then the others, but helped to make sure they were given leave at the same time. He was probably one of those people who seemed to be quite liberal, as long as the topic of homosexuality didn't come up in his own family. The type of person who doesn't hesitate to say, that he has of course many gay friends. Maybe he was really liberal or bi-curious?

"Hey what's on your mind Facey?" Murdock's voice interrupted his thoughts.

"I have to tell him Murdock," Face said, still watching Hannibal and BA "Even though I've been certain about my feelings for quite a long time now, it feels like a burden that just gets heavier every day that it remains unsaid."

"Than you should tell him."

II.

In the evening of the same day, Face finished three beers quickly. He thought he would need at least the courage of four beers to be able to tell the Colonel what he so badly needed to tell him.

"Never knew you're an episodic drinker." Hannibal chuckled and took a sip from his own bottle of beer, his second, if Face had counted correctly. The Lieutenant opened his fourth bottle and took a deep gulp.

"I need to talk to you, Hannibal."

Hannibal sat relaxed on Amy's couch watching Murdock, B.A. and Amy bickering in fun "Sure kid. What's up?"

"I would like to talk to you outside."

Hannibal turned his glance to him with an expression of surprise on his face. "Sounds serious…"

"Nah…" Face chuckled nervously. "I just want to talk to you in silence. The others are making far too much noise tonight."

"Ok." Hannibal rose to his feet with some reluctance and walked towards the veranda.

Amy noticed both men going outside, but before she could ask, or say anything, Murdock gave her a look that told her she should leave it.

III.

"I have to tell you something, Hannibal," Face began.

Hannibal crossed his arms. "We were already this far, kid."

"Well, Hannibal, Colonel." Face cleared his throat. "I think, I mean, I'm pretty sure, that I'm in love with you." While Face had spoken, he hadn't looked at Hannibal, so he couldn't see Hannibal's facial expression or body language. Before he could focus on the Colonel again, he felt a hard hit on his chin. Face stumbled backwards not really knowing what was going on for a moment. Then he realized that it was Hannibal who had hit him. He couldn't do or say anything because he felt a second punch on his ribs. Face bent forward in pain. He closed his eyes. He had anticipated a lot. He had thought about the possibility that Hannibal would laugh at him, or that he would not believe it, or that he would walk away without saying anything in response, but he hadn't imagined this.

Suddenly B.A. was behind Hannibal, holding him tight with force and dragging him away from Face. "Hey Sucka, what're ya doin?"

Hannibal wrestled, trying to break free from B.A.'s grip. "Let me go Sergeant, that's an order."

"What if I don't? Will ya beat me too, foo'?"

"Please what's going on here?" Amy demanded. She stood beside Murdock, her hands stemmed into her hips. Murdock looked at Face compassionately.

"The Colonel hit the Faceman, dunno why." B.A. growled without loosening his grip on Hannibal. "Ya wanna explain Hannibal?"

"This is none of your business B.A.," Hannibal said forcefully.

Face had finally recovered from the shock. "The Colonel just gave me a very clear answer, right Hannibal?" He took a step towards Hannibal, who was still held fast in B.A.'s grip, and faced him nearly nose to nose. "That was your answer, am I right Colonel?" he said in a low voice that showed no emotions.

Hannibal tried to free himself again. "Get outta my sight kid," he growled his tone of voice dangerous.

Face walked away into the dark, and B.A. shoved Hannibal away from him. Murdock shook his head when he gazed at Hannibal, then he went after Face.

IV.

"What the hell was this, Hannibal?" Amy looked at him in disbelieve. Hannibal was still standing on the veranda looking at Amy and B.A.

"Yeah man, what's gotten into you?" B.A. asked again. "I told ya, not to beat our pretty boy ugly. If he's ugly we ain't getting no more nice hotel rooms, no more tables in expensive restaurants, no more cool equipment."

"Yeah, pretty boy he is," Hannibal snarled.

"I have never seen you like this, Hannibal," Amy stated and her eyes were saying, "Talk to me."

"C'mon man, talk to us. What happened that you would get that mad at him?" B.A. pressed.

Hannibal took a deep breath.

V.

Meanwhile, Face and Murdock were walking through Amy's neighborhood.

"Let's get back, Facey," Murdock begged. "If we're walking around here it'll only raise suspicion. You don't wanna have the police checking our licenses do you?"

"Why not? They'll just send you back to the VA and me to Fort Bragg. That way Hannibal won't have to worry about sleeping with his ass to the wall." Face voice was dripping with sarcasm, but a tear ran down his cheek.

"He didn't mean it."

"Yeah, the first punch was spontaneous, the second one was the decision to beat me up. Without B.A. he would've have beaten me to hell and back."

"You know he could never do something like that, even if he is really angry."

"He wanted to do this for quite a long time. How often has he told me what a poor job I've done? You're the fantastic pilot and B.A. is the great mechanic, but I'm just the kid who is even too dumb to scam the right equipment. Remember Jamestown? He hit me so hard, I lost a cap."

"You know that's not true Face. And yeah, in Jamestown, he probably enjoyed his role as Amy's rescuer a bit too much, but you know him, he always goes over the top when it comes to acting."

"And now I'm not only the dumb one, but now I'm the fruitcake too," Face continued. "It's my own fault. Why the hell I told to tell the oh-so-macho Colonel about my feelings for him."

Murdock sighed. He felt sympathy for his friend and he felt guilty too, because he had suggested that Face tell Hannibal in the first place.

"Self pity won't help now muchacho. I think we should go back and talk to him, without fighting."

"I never expected him to return my feelings but I thought he would respect them. If someone like Amy would have confessed their love for him he would have answered in his utterly charming way that he can't return the feelings, but feels honored, or something like that. But he wouldn't have tried to break her nose," Face said with bitterness in his voice.


	2. Chapter 2

VI.

Hannibal released air through his nostrils and cleared his throat.

"Well, Face has told me that he loves me."

"Boy! This time you've made a real mistake, Hannibal," Amy burst out.

"And you were beatin' him for it, foo'? Can't believe it," B.A. murmured.

"Damn it, I always told you no affairs among team mates, didn't I?" Hannibal answered.

"He didn't asked you to fuck him, he just told you about his feelings," Amy said with irritation in her voice.

BA looked at the younger woman in surprise. He wondered since when Amy became so outright.

"Any more smart ass remarks, Allen?" Hannibal snarled.

Amy ignored his aggressive tone.

The Colonel sat down on a bench that stood on the veranda and she sat herself beside him.

"What's going on? Sometimes you really give him a hard time, and now you punch him?" Amy asked softly.

"Yeah man," B.A. insisted. "Back in Nam I promised ya I'd protect the kid. I'll even protect him from you, if I hafta, so you better spill out, what's goin' on."

"I give him a hard time?" Again Hannibal's voice rose in anger. "Are you kiddin' me?" He jumped up from the bench and faced Amy and BA.

Amy was still sitting on the bench. She looked up at him. "You do, and you know it," she said calmly.

"You tell him really blatantly when he doesn't show up with the equipment you have in mind, that he's a screw up. That he couldn't get it, doesn't mean he did a poor job, it just means it's impossible to get a tank in the middle of a dessert or a plane in the middle of some South American jungle. You blame him for not running fast enough, or you make fun about his apartment, his lifestyle, whatever. You just make him feel like a looser, as if he's not meeting your standards. It's hard when you make him feel like he isn't good enough for the team. You never do this to BA or Murdock. You know this Hannibal?"

BA looked from Amy to Hannibal, and then back. He wondered if Amy knew from her own experience.

"Listen, kid. It is my duty as a commanding officer to watch, and make sure that no one is getting sloppy. How long do you think the unit would survive, if we get sloppy?" Hannibal clenched his teeth.

"How long do you think you will have a unit at all, if you don't start to behave like a human being once in a while? Man, it's been quite a while since Vietnam. Adjust to civil reality all ready," Amy snapped.

Blue eyes turned on her and gave her a piercing glare.

"We're all breathing air and boiling with water, right? Your words," Amy added.

"Who the hell do you think you are, Allen?" Hannibal growled, his voice intimidating and dangerous, but Amy didn't flinch.

"Hey don't start with Amy too, foo'," BA interfered.

Amy looked over at the Sergeant. "It's ok BA, I think we should leave Hannibal, he isn't willing to open up."

BA nodded and gave a growl, before he followed Amy into the house. For the second time he asked himself where Amy got the courage to be so outspoken.

Hannibal left the veranda. With long quick steps, he left Amy's house behind.

VII.

"Man, this is the worst evening I've had in a long time," BA remarked while flopping onto the sofa.

"I've also had better evenings." Amy agreed

"Should have stayed with the kids at the center," BA added.

They both sat quietly on the sofa, feeling the same oddness and helplessness.

"What do ya think, mama," BA finally interrupted the silence.

"What do you mean, BA?"

"As if it weren't enough for Face to confess his love to Hannibal, the Colonel tried to seriously hurt Face for it. Are they all crazy?"

"Dunno," Amy replied slowly. "I could tell something was going on, but I couldn't put my finger on it."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Hannibal's been snapping at Face more often and has been much harder than usual. Face couldn't stay cool ether. He took it quite personally, seemed to be hurt, and Hannibal didn't care."

"_The Colonel has ta worry about other things, like plans and stuff, rather then Face's feeling,_" BA tried to reason, but knew better.

"He always has an open ear for Murdock and his latest craze, right?"

"Yeah, cause he is nuts, just like Murdock."

VIII.

"I'm not nuts, I'm insane, there're big differences," came from the veranda.

"No time for your jibber-jabber, Murdock. We have serious trouble."

"Wrong," said Face. "I have trouble." Both men were standing at the door watching at their friends on the sofa.

"So the Colonel's gone?" Murdock asked as he put his hands into his pockets.

BA grunted. "Yeah."

"I think I'll go for a drive I can't stay here at the moment."

"No you won't. Might hurt ya'self," BA answered.

"I'm not stupid BA," The Faceman forced a smile onto his face. "Well, at least stupid enough to tell the Colonel how I really feel."

Face left without saying another word. His three friends watched him go.

IX.

Face drove around, slowly. _He turned on the radio, pushed the Leonard Cohen tape into the player, and listened to the music pouring out of the speakers…_

_Like a bird on the wire_

Like a dunk in a midnight choir 

_I have tried in my way to be free_

Like a worm on a hook 

_Like a knight from some old-fashioned book_

_I have saved all my ribbons for thee_

_I have been unkind_

I hope that you can just let it go by 

_If I have been untrue_

_I hope you know it was never to you._

He couldn't hold back any longer. Tears rolled down in silence, leaving hot traces on his cheeks. He knew he should turn off the music, but he just couldn't. He listened and wished Hannibal would say these words to him. It made him even sadder that he knew that Hannibal could be as soft and sensible as Leonard Cohen with his voice and songs. But Hannibal had chosen to hit him instead. Face couldn't still believe what had happened. Did he really wish he'd never told Hannibal? No, he didn't. Better to know the truth, than to remain notional. Face sunk deeper into his blue thoughts and into the music, when he saw a man on the sidewalk. Before he could wonder who was walking around in the middle of the night, he recognized his Colonel.

Face's heartbeat accelerated. A thousand possibilities sprang to his mind of what to do next, including one to run over him. Face shook his head. He watched Hannibal in his tight blue jeans and his khaki jacket. He looked virile and tough, like the natural born leader he is. He was a man at his prime. Within the next moment, Hannibal had stopped and turned around to look in his direction. The headlights were blinding him, but nevertheless he could make out the distinctive car of his Lieutenant.

X.

Face pulled over, stopped the car, and turned down the lights. Only the moon, and the light that was coming out of the houses, dispensed light for the two men who knew each other so well and were yet strangers in this situation.

Face stepped out of the car. He leaned against his Corvette, crossed his arms, and looked at Hannibal. He felt surprisingly composed, probably because he had nothing to lose anymore. He even didn't care about the fresh tears on his face. "Now?"

"Now what?" The Colonel chewed on his cigar. Face could see his teeth clenched into the cigar. In this moment, Hannibal looked unpredictable to Face.

"We're going to sort it out right here?" Hannibal said. At least he wasn't a man who sneaked out of a confrontation.

"Depends if you want to spread me all over the street," Face retorted. "You don't want to make trouble in Amy's neighbourhood, do you?"

"Save your cocky jokes Lieutenant."


	3. Chapter 3

XI.

"Actually how did Face and Hannibal meet, back in Vietnam?" Amy interrupted the silence.

"Hannibal took him on the team," BA simply said.

"Care to elaborate?" Amy looked at BA who was sitting between her and Murdock on the sofa.

"I can probably illustrate," Murdock said.

"Shut up, foo'. You know nothin'," BA barked at him. And in a softer tone he continued, "Hannibal ran into Face in Danang. At that time Face was a troublemaker. He was known for his scams, but not for being a good combatant. Everyone wondered why he was in the army at all."

"Don't forget all the nurses who knew him," Murdock interjected, but BA was not was not letting Murdock distracting him.

"Hannibal gave him orders to organize things. Things that no one thought would be on hand in Vietnam at that time. He always got what Hannibal asked for. Then he took Face on a mission. I told him we didn't need him, 'cuz he wasn't tough like us, like Hannibal, Ray and me. I told him Face would only put us in danger. One time we jumped from a truckand the fool twisted his ankle and lost his Helmet. Ray gave him his own. I told Hannibal he should leave Face in his own unit, which was a supply unit. But one night, Hannibal told me that Face needed a strong commander, if not he would end up either in jail, or dead. He told me Face has talent, but needs someone to discover it? Think Hannibal was right. At that time I didn't understand Hannibal, but I knew he was serious about the kid, so I swore that I'd protect him. Over time, Faceman improved? He learned to trust and to be responsible. He learned to work as a team. By time Ray Benner left our unit, Face had become a very capable soldier, and a full member of our unit."

"And this was pretty much necessary, 'cause when the Colonel was on the jazz, and BA followed, those hellhounds needed a reliable backup," Murdock added. BA's lips curled up like a cobra, and he gave Murdock a growl.

"I always saw Face as a womanizer, and think about Leslie," Amy said.

"He still is," BA answered, but Amy looked at him sceptical.

Murdock swallowed and pursed his lips. "Doctor Richter would call this emotionalised hero worship."

"Aw, don't start you loony bin rap." BA waved his ringed fist and let out a groan.

"I think Murdock is making a good point," Amy said looking at Murdock.

"It is true what BA said about Face. If Hannibal hadn't taken him on the team, he most likely would be dead or in jail by now? He would have destroyed himself. He probably had this self-destructing lifestyle because he still missed Leslie at that time, and saw no sense in life without her. I think Hannibal was guiding him," Murdock continued.

BA pursed his lips. "That doesn't explain anything. I also owe Hannibal a lot, but…" BA stopped, looking embarrassed with his lack of ability to speak out what was on his mind.

"It probably doesn't explain everything, but it gives us a hint. I mean Face is a guy who loves the love, and the love loves him," Amy interjected. BA glared at her, and Murdock nodded. "Only this time, the love doesn't love him back."

XII.

"What happened to you? Where was the sympathetic comrade and friend, when I needed him most?" Face's words didn't sound like an accusation he sounded crestfallen and sad.

The way Hannibal was chewing his cigar, told Face that he was seriously thinking. Face knew this wasn't normal. Usually Hannibal seemed to have a plan even before someone asked him, even before others saw the problem.

"Face, what is wrong with you? I'm your commanding officer, your friend, not some damn bimbo, whom you tell you love her to get what you want."

"What!" Face voice blurred to a croak.

Hannibal bent forward slightly. He laid his head to one side and stared intensely at Face. "I really like you a lot Templeton Peck, but not this way. And even if I did, it wouldn't change anything."

Now Face was completely confused. He stretched out his hand only to drop it quickly. "Eh, uhm," Face stumbled. "What the hell are you talking about Hannibal?"

"Do you think I'm stupid? Do you think I don't know what's going on?"

"Uhm, actually, I don't even know what's going on right now."

"Sure, you do. You told me you're in love with me, because you thought I have strong feelings for you too. You wanted to please me. You know you've made some mistakes recently, mistakes that could have cost us our lives, or at least mistakes that got us in a lot of trouble. You think I'm upset with you. I am. Only, I have no clue why you decided you'd mess around with my feelings. But, it won't work. You should know me good enough to know this. And I thought I knew you. I thought you had respect for yourself, and for others, but you don't. Apparently you haven't changed very much since Danang. That's disgusting." The words came out hard, and Face moved his mouth, but couldn't bring out a word. His eyes were wide open and started swimming again.

"That's not true Hannibal, I…"

"Oh c'mon, please," Hannibal interrupted him. "Better stop, before you make things even worse."

"Worse!" Face looked calm under the given circumstances. The confusion helped him over the painful disappointment at least for now. "I made things worse? I didn't try to break the nose of my best friend. "_But, my nose isn't what really got bruised here, is it?"_ Face shouted the last words, because Hannibal had just turned on his heels and left.

XIII.

BA, Murdock and Amy sat on the couch and stared at Hannibal as he entered the room. The three kept silent.

"What the hell has gotten into kid?" Hannibal said.

"What the hell has gotten into you, man," BA replied.

Hannibal exhaled audibly. He was breathing heavy as if he had run all the way to the house. "I've talked to the kid? It makes me sick," he said.

"It makes you sick?" Amy echoed rather loudly. "I thought of you as an open-minded, educated man. And now you're telling us that it makes you sick that one of your teammates loves a man, loves you? It makes you sick, that you're loved? And I thought there might be a difference between aloof and heartless."

Hannibal gave an icy glare. "This is not what I meant."

"What then?" BA demanded.

"Face thought he can get me by my feelings, after doing several lousy jobs." Hannibal said. "This makes me sick. I thought he had learned a great deal since Nam."

"What do you mean, Hannibal?" Amy asked.

"In Vietnam, when I meet Face, I saw another young man in him. This other young man needed guidance to find the right path. The path of trust and honor, the path of compassion and humanity. The young man I saw in him learned that lesson in Korea. It was me. I was a young troublemaker of about 19, just like him, wasting my talents, living a quiet self-destructive life that could have killed me in my early years. And then there was Karen, a Doctor. She not only took a bullet out of my body, but also taught me some lessons about the right and the wrong ways in life. If it weren't for her I would've been a real asshole by now. She constantly reminded me to keep my humanity, even in war. She taught me that war is a matter of tactics, not of killing. When I was on the battlefield, I knew there would be someone who felt really miserable if I were to come in on the truck of dead bodies, that she would not only mourn me, but every death that I caused.

Then I met Face in Vietnam. I knew him so well it was like looking at my younger self. I swore I would guide him, not let the madness of war destroy his young, unstable soul. I swore I would be there for him to do whatever would be necessary, to give back to him what I received from Karen." Suddenly Hannibal stopped talking and took out a cigar. He ripped the cellophane away and threw it to the floor. He lit the cigar, but not as calm and cheerfully as he normally did. "I was probably less successful than I thought I was. It hurts. Face might not realize it now, but this way he'll never find contentment."

"Colonel?" Murdock began. "Is it really so absurd for you that he might really be in love with you?"

"Yes it is Murdock." Hannibal's voice sounded confident, but his eyes danced around Murdock in confusion.

"Has it never occurred to you that Face is just a boy that needs love so desperately? The love he never had in his childhood? The love even Leslie couldn't give him?" Murdock looked at his Colonel.

"All those women were probably just the desperate attempt to find love," Amy added.

"They're right, Hannibal. You should know that. Just cook chicken soup for Face, take care of him, and he will love you," BA said.

Murdock nodded. "And you, mon Colonel, are the one who cares for Face, who always has. He tries hard to be the scammer, the lady's man, but some part of him is still an orphan, waiting everyday for Mommy, and daddy to come back."

"You really should talk to him without arguing," Amy suggested.


End file.
